You Are Reading

Why gay men are the biggest Bodyshamers.


NO FATS, NO FEMS! 

- Whoever among you readers is gay and tried using a Dating-App before might know these kind of Headlines on other profiles. Bodyshaming among homosexual men is pretty common. Queens, we need to talk.
It's actually absurd: Many gay have experience in their past with being bullied and discriminated in some way - and still we exclude others because of their appearance. To Fat, to thin, to feminin - it's pretty easy to make a mistake. BUT WHY?

Where does the "only gay in the village" look for a like-minded spirit? In the world wide web.
Dating-Apps in the Gay world are no new thing at all. We have been using them way before straight people where. We have bowed to the laws of online dating years ago.
It all stands of falls with your... Profile picture. It's all about the "right" display of one self.
The Rule is: You are only as sexy as your profile picture.

Olivia Foster-Gimbel and Renee Engeln (social psychologists) published a study in "Psychology of Sexual Orientation and Gender Diversity" (click HERE or HERE for more infos) that claims there is a Antifat-Bias in the gay scene.
215 gay men were interviewed between the age of 18 and 78. The Study says: Gays think of men as obese when heteros still think of them as "normal weight". In a follow-up Study Foster-Gimbel published she found out that as a slightly obese man chances to get ignored or even mobbed are higher in a gay bar then in a bar with a majority of heterosexual cliental.

A study (HERE) by Columbia University (USA) from 2007 where 126 straight men and 388 gay men where asked to fill out a questionnaire on the topic of eating disorders. The result showed that one third of all men who have an eating disorder are gay. The Reason they mentioned: Higher expectations on the outer appearance in the gay scene.

"THE RIGHT MAN"

No doubt about that as in the hetero world there is a gay beautystandard, it's called "the right man".
He is a ripped athlete, really manly. Masculinity is nothing bad. But when it makes sure the only thing we accept when it comes to the male gender - now thats disturbing.
Because the problem with "the right man" is that he is actually straight.
A T-shirt design recently cause an outrage in several media channels. The print said "No Fats No Fems".
Basically means whoever does not have the perfect body and on top of that is not "straight acting* " wont stand a chance with the guy wearing the shirt.
This Shirt shows: Homonorms do exist - a norm that homosexual men have to be part of. Under the pretext of "Preference" hate is spred.
Course there are other sub-communities in the gay culture that approve and even welcome particular body-types.
Twinks - boyish young men/teens
Bears - hairy strong men
Otters - hairy slim men
Daddy, Geeks or Jocks - trained sexually successful but intellectualy rather slow men
Leather guys, trans and many more.
The problem though stays the same - reducing a person to his looks.
Good for those who fit in - its nice feeling part of a group - but the rules are harsh and you will be excluded if not fitting.
GYM GYM GYM

To achieve the look of "the right man" one has to follow the hurd to the gym and a change of diet is crucial. A market research done by the US-american company "Community Marketing Inc." (more infor HERE)  specializing on the LGBTIQ-community in 2012 came to the result that in the US gay men are the group of people who spent most of their money on Fitness and gym. (see it HERE)

Marius is 23, lives in Berlin and is to tall for the gay beauty-stigma, to thin and to feminine.
He says: "I do kinda want to got to the gym but i know i do not look like what is expected of me so i am afraid of rejection."

- A mindset that i myself, mark, can understand and shared for a long time.

It is the constant wish for self-improvement, one can sense that the community says:
Work on yourself, change your diet, work on your body. It's the only way to be successful and only then you can find love.
It should be pretty clear: Out outer appearance does not define who we are and there is not only ONE way to live your life. Or one way to be "the right man". Wether you are "to fat", "to thin" more masculine or more feminine, if you are homo, hetero or lesbian - Judgement is what parts us on instead of bringing us all closer together.

Specially in the "queer" community we should face each other with respect, love and sensibility. Because WE should know better. With all the discrimination, hate and persecution out culture encounters. Whoever experiances Bodyshaming and feels insecure - speak up! - "Dude that was not okay" can be a start.
MB

this article was published on www.ze.tt and written by Florian Prokop in german.
we translated it to english.

Comments for this entry

 

© 2012.